You Have To Admit, He Looks Pretty Cool

"Don't be alarmed. This baby is actually a 50 year-old man. Because smoking makes you look younger and adds years to your life. But really though?"

Lightly Toasted

"Ma'am, I don't know how to tell you this but I believe that the statue beside you just checked out your gluts...O, that's your husband- and you're sure he hasn't been bronzed? My mistake. Really though?"

Put a little douche inside you

"Ed Hardy. I have to give you credit. As much as you've helped perpetuate an entire culture of douchebags, it's nice to see that you've realized the monster you've created and you're doing something to stifle it's growth. But I do have one question for you- really though?"

Just Breathe

"Four teenagers were injured when the driver of their vehicle was charged with DWHB. For those of you unfamiliar with the acronym it stands for 'driving-while-holding-your-breath'. The driver and his friends were seeing how long they could go without oxygen and apparently he pooned out after only a half kilometer and ran into a boulder. Next time you kids should pick someone with a higher tolerance, or better yet a bigger lung capacity. Really though?"

To augment, or not to augment?

"Apparently Heidi Montag's husband Mr. Pratt does not allow her to watch TV or surf the web, so instead she expands her mind- yes I said mind, not bust size- by reading and WRITING poetry. I have a hunch that when her first poem is released it will go a little something like this: 'Roses are red, I like them a lot; I look like slutty Barbie from all the plastic surgery I got.' I'm thinking the next Sylvia Plath. Really though?"

Nicole Scherzinger Wins Dance Competition. Madonna to Try Out for Next Year's American Idol. Cristiano Ronaldo Makes High School Soccer Team.

"Congratulations to this season's Dancing With the Stars winner, Nicole Scherzinger, most notably of Pussy Cat Dolls fame. The Pussy Cat Dolls... hey aren't they that girl group that can't sing, but have really gnarly choreography and flashy, skanky outfits that accentuate their rhythmic gyrations? Yeah, yeah, yeah..that's them, they started as a burlesque dance troupe...really though?"

Archival Prints Prove Napoleon Was Consistently With Child

"Turns out Gwen Stefani is not pregnant despite a recent photo showing her 'cradling her midsection.' Hey world, let's all take a deep breath and grow the fuck up. When a pop-punk icon can't enjoy a nice, big plate of bean enchiladas without photos being snapped, and conclusions being jumped to, there's only one response...really though?"

Bloody Ridiculous

"There is currently a blanket ban against gay men donating blood. Okay Mr. Green, I'll just have to take a look at your form real quick....oooohhh, not good. You're O-Negative, we're in short supply, but under your favourite music you wrote: Showtunes, Elton John, and Culture Club... oh but wait, it says here you're a virgin.... that's promising...ooooohhh, George Michael too eh? Yeah thanks, but uhhh....really though?"

Inuit Children Can't Find Any Cows

"Polar Bears have reached their 'Tipping Point' despite ardent conservatives still claiming Global Warming is a myth. Hey Snowflake, do you like resorting to swimming 80 km into the middle of the Arctic Ocean just to find food, only to drown: hungry, and exhausted. Better yet, do you enjoy having to cannibalize your young simply to survive? No? Didn't think so. Hey gas guzzler with the massive carbon footprint, Snowflake doesn't like her icebergs served at room temperature. Do you really think you need that fleet of ridiculous SUV's? Really though? Oh, the whole tiny wiener thing. I understand."

Got Milk?

"The Kern High School District in the States has decided that they will not be providing their students with a well-balanced diet in learning. They have passed a motion to ignore the incredible contributions of representative Harvey Milk who was a major contributor to fight for GLBT rights in the United States. Way to go Kern District, now your future leaders will grow up with a bad case of moral osteoporosis. Really though?"

Brett Michaels Hospitalized After So-Called Warning Stroke

"Dear Mr. Michaels, this is Jesus, I am warning you, so help me God (sorry Dad) I will strike you down if you do another God-Damn (sorry Dad) reality show. For Heaven's sakes (sorry Dad) the whole world is so over your bullshit excuse for a career. How many people have "Every Rose" on their playlist these days anyways? That many? Really though? God-Damnit (Sorry Dad)."

001 1001 11 0001 1000

"Today I learnt something new. Computer science professors are kinky. One professor in China went to the extreme proving that instead of drought, it's rain season for computer scientists, when he was convicted for organizing and hosting a total of 18 orgies in his home. Really though?"

I knew I was forgetting something...

"This girl has is all wrong. If you really want to display your sexual promiscuity to attract attention what you're missing is a tribal symbol or butterfly on your lower back. Scared of needles? It's called henna. Really though?"

Bieber: Tougher than your average pre-pubescent pop sensation

"Usher's prodigy child has done everything in his power to create a bad-boy image. However, since merely acting hard and performing with Drake didn't appear to be bad enough for the young pop-star he has decided to get a tattoo, and guess what? NO TEARS. A word of advice kid, drop the act and your balls, then we'll talk. Really though?"

Need a hand?

"I'm all for hands on support, but... really though?"

Miley Cyrus to Collabo With Lil' Jon- Justin Bieber Performs Duet With Drake... Notorious B.I.G. Rolls in Grave

"Miley Cyrus, and Justin Bieber are both up-and-coming tween stars... Lil' Jon and Drake are 'gangsta pimps.' Sesame Street had segment, 'one of these things is not like the other, one of these things does not belong.'  Hey mainstream hip-hop...really though?"

Terrence Howard Shows Off "Secret Wife" at Cannes...Paparazzi Fails to Recognize Unknown Woman

" Hey Terrence, when you get back to your imaginary house, and give your top secret dog a pat on his high security head, and then tuck your 'need-to-know' children into bed..take a look at your smokin' hot little secret, and ask yourself...really though?"

Malawian men who tried to marry face 14 years in prison...

"Malawi- List of major problems: starvation, infant deaths, ridiculously low life expectancy, drought, disease...pink floral shirts...wait, wait, wait..really though?" 

Arrest Warrant Issued for Lindsay Lohan--Acting Skills Improve

"See above for Lindsay almost looking sullen...Oscar nods to follow. Seems she failed an Alcohol Education course, after she repeated, exasperated ' So, let me get this straight, I really needed another beer isn't a valid excuse for drinking and driving?' Props on the Meryl Streepesque head hang-eyebrow tilt (next time try without finger assistance) but...really though?"

US State Department says "there will definitely be consequences" for North Korea after sinking of South Korean vessel...

" Hey North Korea, we're going to wait until we're done with the ill-advised war in the Middle East complete with it's hazy reasoning, and then invade you like we did in the 50s. Yeah, grandpa's not senile, there really was a Korean War. I thought we had this talk about being the world's big brother, but it seems not so much. It begs the question...really though?"

Hiking Trail Closed After Bear Attack

"Victim stated, ‘I can’t talk about it; it’s too traumatizing.’ AKA I tried to take his pic-a-nic basket like the retard wannabe outdoorsman I am, and got my shit handed to me. Well done Yogi. As for you Alexander Supertramp...really though?" 

Curfew in Bangkok Causes Tension As Deadly Revolt Continues

"Awww mom, do I really need to be home before dawn, Justine's mother let's her stay out till whenever...Really though, hard-done-by suburban teen, really?" 

The Many Faces of Lindsay Lohan

" Look at the acting range on this god damn thespian...Oi Lindsay, are those headshots, or are you trying to invent a new kids game called 'Fucked, Fucked, Loose.' Disney...Parent Trap...really though?" 

Does mommy know you play with knives?

"Everyone reaches a point in their life when they have a void that they just can't fill. But what you need to ask yourself is 'Can that void be filled by cutlery?' Really though?"

Will this make you love me?

"For some people who never have kids, their pets are their kids. Apparently this puppy has major daddy issues. Really though?"

Headline quote "Bold Taliban Attacks Appear to Send Message"

"How about get the eff out of our country and stop propagating the protective big brother myth while 15% of your population is below the poverty line. Is that a good mesage? Really though, world news, really?"

Lady Gaga to design hats for London fashion house Philip Treacy...

"Hey Stevie Wonder, want to help us market bi-focal contact lenses...really though?"

Modern Family star Julie Bowen milks her celebrity status for all it's worth on George Lopez

"Hey Julie Bowen, you think syndication is going to pay for all the years of therapy your kids will need after they grow up knowing this photo exists? 'Yeah well your mom's cookies taste like shit'.. Really though, little Bowen child, Really?"

It's called passion...

"They say that stolen kisses are the sweetest but...really though?"

German Chancellor Bans Trade of Certain Stocks and Bonds: Causes slow of Euro

"Hey Frau, I know it's hard to not get all ego-trippy in a red power pant-suit but banning personal freedoms in a capitalist market sounds a bit Marxist to me. 'Ja zie euro ist on the rise, but no you may not enjoy it'....really though?"

What do you mean permanent?

"I know tattoos are supposed to be unique and edgy, but advertising yourself as an easy lunch for zombies...really though?"

Butter for Guns: The Production Possibilty Frontier

"Hey Kim, I know communism is a rough go but do you think it makes it acceptable to rock the Asian version of the afro, Elvis glasses, and a jumpsuit made out of the same material as your curtains? Scarcity is a bitch in a planned economy but...really though?"

Just because you're pretty and thin...

"Okay riding the inflatable pink bunny around town is bad enough, though ecologically neutral so i'll let you get away on the environmentally frendly tip, but you think just because you borrow a silk handkerchief from some passerby you can start robbing banks, like you're the scenster Jesse James? Gimme all your money or i'll look super cute! Really though?"