Ja Who?

"Ja Rule pleaded guilty to tax evasion on $3 million. Did you really think that just because the general public has forgotten about you that the IRS would too? Really though?"

This Picture Says Two Words 'Rape Me'

"Following the sentencing of a Manitoba man in a case of sexual assault, it appears that rapists have a new defense. It's called the "she was asking for it" defense. According to the judge conducting the trial, when a man raped a 26 year old woman, it was not entirely the perpetrators fault. Apparently the woman was dressed in a sexually inviting manner, putting her partially to blame for her own attack. Apparently no no longer means no if you dress like a ho. Really though Judge Dewar? Really?"

Hello, My Name is Facebook

"When it comes to naming their children, parents can sometimes be cruel. Kids all over the world are walking around with names like Blue Angel or Satchel. But a man in Egypt stepped up the crazy baby name game a notch when he decided to name his daughter after Facebook. When asked why he chose the name he replied, 'Myspace and Tumblr were taken and I always thought Google was more of a boys name anyways'. I have two things to say to this family. Good luck Facebook, and really though?"

It's smarter than you... What is Watson?

"Watson is IBM's latest supercomputer. Recently, Watson has competed on Jeopardy...and won. I know, it was shocking. I mean a computer that's smarter than a person? Who saw that one coming? Come on people, did you really think you stood a chance? Really though?"

Happy Birthday, Mr. President..

"Due to food shortages the celebrations for Kim Jong Il's 69th birthday are being cutback. In previous years the North korean leader has marked the occasion by handing out lollies and rice rations to people. But this year many people are starving without the rice or corn handouts so that Kim can get that fancy ten speed he's been wanting since his 7th birthday. The shouldn't complain though because next year Kim's turning 70 and the way things are going not only will people's food rations be cut back, but the first born in every family will be sold to finance his first ever surprise party. Really though?"

And Parent of the Year Goes To...

"Billy Ray Cyrus has recently told reporters that he is proud to say he has never made a dime off his daughter. Really Billy? You're proud of not exploiting your daughter and selling her out? My parents didn't make any money off of me but you don't hear them bragging about it. Really though?"

Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' ELEPHANTS?!

"Bob Barker is stealing our elephants. You read that right. The former Price is Right host is calling for the Toronto Zoo's 3 elephants to be moved to a sanctuary in California to get them out of our cold Canadian winters. He has already been involved in the removal of Edmonton's one elephant 'Lucy', and now he's after Ontario. I understand though. Clearly he's concerned about global warming and afraid that the year-round igloos we built to house the elephants will melt soon. Really though Bob?"

Do You Know Who's Doing Your CT Scans?

"It's been reported that over 200 CT scans have been performed by an individual who did not have the credentials to do so. According to sources, the unnamed practitioner has moved from BC to Ontario and it is unknown whether or not he is practicing under false credentials there as well. When asked about his experience, on patient said, "I should have known he wasn't qualified when he asked me to lay 'phallic' and then proceeded to move the bed in and out of the scanner, first slowly and then faster, all the while moaning 'That's it baby, you know what I like. Radiation makes me hot'". Really though?"

"Afghaniscam"

"Here's a special Rememberance Day edition. Apparently we're still okay with needless war, as the Afghanistan mission has been extended well into 2014, with more troops to be deployed. I understand it's called a "Peacekeeping Mission" but "Fighting for Peace" kinda sounds like "Fucking for Abstinence." Lest we...lest we...what was I supposed to remember? Really though?"

"FML"

"Two words: Published Author. Really though?"

In Ford We Trust

"Rob Ford was recently elected into office. All I have to say is, really though Toronto?"

I'm Rubber and You're...Justin Bieber?

"The RCMP is investigating an event involving Justin Bieber that happened last week. The young pop star got in a slight altercation with a 12 year old boy during a game of laser tag that resulted in the boy being hit on the head and Bieber being called a bad name. If this is the sort of thing that gets the RCMP's attention, the elementary school around the corner from my house must be a hot bed for investigations. Hey RCMP, is your Bieber fever really that bad? Really though?"

Who throws a book, honestly?

"It seems to be a growing trend. Throwing things at people on stage. It started with Beiber and a water bottle. But it's no longer reserved for star-crazy tweens. Older people are throwing things now too. Not water bottles at pop stars but books at presidents. Of course throwing a literary work at a world leader is way more mature and sophisticated. But who throws a book? Really though?"

Buzz-Buzz-Bling-Bling

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if someone from the Jersey Shore had a baby with a fly? This is the result. I have a question for you Snooki, can you see past all those diamonds? Really though?"

Barbie, If You Didn't Confuse Children Before...

"I have a question for you Barbie. Is pregnancy really an option for you when both you and Ken are wearing perma-panties? Really though?"

" Question: How Do you Turn Leopard into Leper Without Changing Any Letters?"

"Answer: You wear these hideous sandals, and you'll most definitely be avoided by everyone with the ability to see. Are your cankles really that bad Tiffany? Really though?"

"I Bet The Teacher Will Run in to Issues When They Discuss Apollo 11"

"Okay, first of all move your eyes back up to this picture and let me know if there's still any residual doubt that Michael Jackson was the biological parent of these two children. I mean it's pretty clear by their complexions that he wasn't a weirdo collector of test tube children, and really just your average red-blooded American dad with one glove and big fuck off BBQ he brags about to his buddies. Also please picture if you will, the amount of work whoever teaches these kids is going to have to do to reverse all the delusional misconceptions they probably have. "Nuh uh, Neil Armstrong didn't walk on the moon first, my daddy did." or " No way, Peter Pan isn't fictional, it's my dad's autobiography." Oh dear, these poor little fellas, hopefully Janet or Tito can normal them up a bit. Hahahah doubtful. Is it really a good idea to introduce these Jackson's back into reality after a childhood spent tree-climbing in Neverland. Really though?"

"I Call Bull...get it?"

" In a recent interview, Dennis Rodman claims to have bedded over 2000 women. Following the trend of pro ballers talking about bouncing their balls, Dennis joins the ranks of Wilt Chamberlain, and Magic Johnson with his prolific skills in "taking it to the hole." Also known for cross-dressing, and once staging a sham wedding to himself in drag, I think Dennis may have actually said, "I've been in over 2000 women('s outfits)" but the last part of the sentence got muffled by that big, phallic cigar. Hey female population, or at least 2000 of you, really though?"

" Boehner Takes a Hard Stance"

" Republican House Leader John Boehner has called on President Obama to fire his economic team, saying White House economic policies have failed to get people back to work. Boehner is set to become the House Speaker if the Republicans win a majoity seat. Vice President Biden has rejected these claims saying Boehner is simply nostalgic and wishes to bring back the policies put in place by former President George W. Bush. Aside from the stupidity of bringing back anything to do with that gun-toting Texan, and implying that the world-wide economic collapse could be quickly fixed by replacing Obama's crew, let's all just say this out loud real quick, " Boehner likes Bush." C'mon, really though?"

A Run of Costco Cookies Has Been Recalled After They Were Found to Contain Metal..."

" I hear confessed sugar-fiend Lil' Wayne bought shares in an attempt to pull some strings and get some cookie sharpeners for his grill. Another escape plan foiled for Weezy or are these companies just daft?. I'd really like to know how this happens? "Oh we made a batch of robot cookies this morning." Really though? "